What is hope?

Yesterday was a tough day for me, on the verge of tears at a moment’s notice, and who really knows why? I have a great job, a great family, great friends, great adventures…etc. I am in want of nothing. So, why do I have days like yesterday? When all I really wanted was to crawl up into my Father’s arms and cry?

Sometimes, the blessings in my life become idols that I am afraid of losing. Not material things as much as people. My grandparents, my husband, my parents, siblings, etc…Even now, just thinking about these people brings tears to my eyes. The Lord says “if anyone loves his father or mother more than Me, he is not worthy of me”. Maybe the sadness I am feeling is the realization that my priorities are misplaced. Maybe I am realizing where my heart truly lies. I know I am not worthy of His grace. I am feeling really pitiful at this moment; feeling the desperate need for my Savior. I know that I am helpless without Christ’s rescuing arm pulling me out of the pit.

The vision of Christ pulling me out of the pit of despair reminds me of the moment when Christ rescued me at salvation. But I don’t feel like it encompasses it fully enough. Because when my imagination sees a pit, I see a hole in the ground. Naturally, when I picture myself in that hole, I am looking up, longing for a rescuer. But, the natural state of man is not to be looking up at all. We are actually covered in that mud and mire, bogged down at the bottom of the pit, and never knowing that we have a rescuer. Until He comes in with both of His strong arms and lifts us out, washes us completely and clothes us in the most beautiful robe of righteousness.

There we are, standing in the Son, beautiful, spotless before our Father…shining. So, why then, when we have this glorious salvation, are we still drawn back to that pit? In my own life, for some reason, I can’t believe that I am really clean. I feel more comfortable in the cool mud, surrounded by my best friends (selfishness, fear, regret and pride). Even though I stand before God as righteous, I think I have to make it out of the pit in my own strength. Robbing Christ of His glory and putting the focus directly on myself. Thankfully, our minds and hearts are still being sanctified. Oh, thank you Lord for your Holy Spirit! Slowly but surely, Your sanctifying work is making the pit less and less comfortable, and Your presence more and more existent.

Lord, HASTE the day, when you will return and reign forever!

California, here we come!

Todd and I leave tomorrow for our trip to San Francisco.



San Fran·cis·co (săn frən-sĭsˈkō)

A city of western California on a peninsula between the Pacific Ocean and San Francisco Bay, an inlet of the Pacific. A Spanish presidio and mission were founded here in 1776. The first settlement was known as Yerba Buena, and the name was changed to San Francisco after control of the town passed to the United States in 1846. Discovery of gold nearby in 1848 changed the city from a small community into a thriving boom town known for its lawlessness and bawdy amusements. The city was all but destroyed by a devastating earthquake and fire on April 18, 1906. Population: 744,000.

I am so looking forward to this trip. Please pray for traveling mercies for us and that this would be a time of refreshment and growth together as a couple, in the Lord.