I have two things on my mind:
#1) Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice
#2) “Like we never loved at all” a song by Faith Hill and Tim McGraw
For the New Year, I would like to have both of these: A Mr. Darcy, and a recording of that song.
Is that too much to ask?
*A more serious outlook on the New Year is sure to come soon.
12.31.2005
12.25.2005
It's Christmas
It’s Dec. 25th. Like many people, this day for me has been one full of family, friends, fun, and of course, food. My family attended their church this morning, which was very nice. We then came home and had our small family Christmas as we watched “White Christmas” and opened presents. Then, we loaded the car and headed to my Grandma Shirley and Papa’s for family Christmas with my mom’s side. It was great. My Grandmother is one of the best cooks I have ever met, and my mom’s side of the family is very fun to be around and very easy going, which suits me like a glove.
As busy as this day has been, it has also been a day full of reflection. This morning I thought of my dear friends who live in my beloved little town of Stillwater, Ok. I could scarcely compose myself in light of my love for these friends and my great desire to be with them. Though my body is present in one place, my spirit is most assuredly in two. My heart has been broken once before, but moving from these friends has broken my heart in a way that I am uncertain can ever be completely healed. I pray that the Lord will bring us back together someday soon, but I am comforted to know that time cannot shake our bond that is founded in Christ Jesus.
My thoughts have also been reflecting on the past year and the events that have unfolded to make it a most exciting and challenging time, filled with learning and growth. The Lord has taught me things that I pray will forever be apparent and will never forget. He has illustrated to me, through two amazing friends that He loves me as His Bride and His grace is sufficient for all of my needs. He has shown me that my plans will always fail, but His will for my life is secure and He is guiding and directing all of my ways. He has shown me through His Word to acknowledge Him in all my ways, and He will make my path straight. I have learned that I will always fail. I will never be good enough. My ways will never measure up. However, because of my inadequacy, my life will forever be a testament of His Grace. Every good thing that comes about in my life will be directed to Him, and His Glory will be made known.
I have come to realize that friendship and family are by far the most treasured earthly joys that the Lord has given me. Everyday I am reminded of the immense value of these precious jewels. Each person in my life has been instrumental in molding me into the person that I am, and I pray that as iron sharpens iron, together, we make each other stronger. I have learned the value of true friendship. The friendships that withstand hardships and remain strong and true are those that I value with immense fervor. I have also learned that these friendships are scarce.
The final thing that I have reflected upon as the day is ending is the sacrifice that our Lord made when He came to earth. When He stepped out of Heaven, He left the most longed for and desired place that anyone can ever imagine to come to a sin soaked land where certain death was His future. He certainly did give up everything good and perfect for the Glory of the Father. My life is certain to bring the Lord Glory, because that is why He created us all, but I pray that my life will be used to make His name Great and that I will make it an effort to bring Him Glory with each new day.
God Bless and Merry Christmas!
As busy as this day has been, it has also been a day full of reflection. This morning I thought of my dear friends who live in my beloved little town of Stillwater, Ok. I could scarcely compose myself in light of my love for these friends and my great desire to be with them. Though my body is present in one place, my spirit is most assuredly in two. My heart has been broken once before, but moving from these friends has broken my heart in a way that I am uncertain can ever be completely healed. I pray that the Lord will bring us back together someday soon, but I am comforted to know that time cannot shake our bond that is founded in Christ Jesus.
My thoughts have also been reflecting on the past year and the events that have unfolded to make it a most exciting and challenging time, filled with learning and growth. The Lord has taught me things that I pray will forever be apparent and will never forget. He has illustrated to me, through two amazing friends that He loves me as His Bride and His grace is sufficient for all of my needs. He has shown me that my plans will always fail, but His will for my life is secure and He is guiding and directing all of my ways. He has shown me through His Word to acknowledge Him in all my ways, and He will make my path straight. I have learned that I will always fail. I will never be good enough. My ways will never measure up. However, because of my inadequacy, my life will forever be a testament of His Grace. Every good thing that comes about in my life will be directed to Him, and His Glory will be made known.
I have come to realize that friendship and family are by far the most treasured earthly joys that the Lord has given me. Everyday I am reminded of the immense value of these precious jewels. Each person in my life has been instrumental in molding me into the person that I am, and I pray that as iron sharpens iron, together, we make each other stronger. I have learned the value of true friendship. The friendships that withstand hardships and remain strong and true are those that I value with immense fervor. I have also learned that these friendships are scarce.
The final thing that I have reflected upon as the day is ending is the sacrifice that our Lord made when He came to earth. When He stepped out of Heaven, He left the most longed for and desired place that anyone can ever imagine to come to a sin soaked land where certain death was His future. He certainly did give up everything good and perfect for the Glory of the Father. My life is certain to bring the Lord Glory, because that is why He created us all, but I pray that my life will be used to make His name Great and that I will make it an effort to bring Him Glory with each new day.
God Bless and Merry Christmas!
12.02.2005
post # 2, i thought i was due
well, i don't have a lot to say, but figured i should probably post again. i keep feeling like i might write about the whole job thing, but i've decided that if you want to know badly enough, we can go have coffee and discuss it. i just can't write about it or even talk about it over the phone. i'm sorry if that sounds cold hearted or rude...but it's just one of those things i guess. it's weird for me to not want to share things or get them out. i'm usually an open book. oh well.
anyway, on top of that, i also have to report that i have a disease. it's not a rare disease. in fact, it is rather common among most of the population. it is generally referred to as the "i-can't-get-over-myself-and-all-i-think-about-is-me" syndrome. you know the one. the narcisistic, naval-watching disease that makes life for yourself and those around you completely miserable. sometimes i wonder how i do it. how do i manage to think about myself so much that i can't even go for 30 seconds without something selfish running though my mind? the low self-esteem, not good enough, feeling of inadequacy attitude that generally overides my thoughts is purely selfishness. i hate it. i hate it that i know the answers. i know the reasons why i shouldn't feel this way, and yet i still do. desperately i cry out to the Lord and beg for mercy. i beg for Him to remove me from myself long enough to see how truly great and majestic He is. to be forced to look away from my sinful self pity, and marvel at His greatness. what a wretched sinner i am. praise the Lord for His grace and mercy! praise Him for His lovingkindness and steadfast love! praise Him for He will not let me go!
"O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee!"
anyway, on top of that, i also have to report that i have a disease. it's not a rare disease. in fact, it is rather common among most of the population. it is generally referred to as the "i-can't-get-over-myself-and-all-i-think-about-is-me" syndrome. you know the one. the narcisistic, naval-watching disease that makes life for yourself and those around you completely miserable. sometimes i wonder how i do it. how do i manage to think about myself so much that i can't even go for 30 seconds without something selfish running though my mind? the low self-esteem, not good enough, feeling of inadequacy attitude that generally overides my thoughts is purely selfishness. i hate it. i hate it that i know the answers. i know the reasons why i shouldn't feel this way, and yet i still do. desperately i cry out to the Lord and beg for mercy. i beg for Him to remove me from myself long enough to see how truly great and majestic He is. to be forced to look away from my sinful self pity, and marvel at His greatness. what a wretched sinner i am. praise the Lord for His grace and mercy! praise Him for His lovingkindness and steadfast love! praise Him for He will not let me go!
"O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee!"
11.07.2005
My first post...might as well be a good one, right?
Several weeks ago I was in a wedding. My best friend, Emilee Baab, married Jerrick Irby and she is now Emilee Irby. They are two of the most in love people I have ever seen. They’ve always had something special, but that day it was more than apparent that they were each other’s chief earthly joy. It was one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever seen. The moment that Jerrick saw Emilee begin to walk down the aisle, his face lit up, he clasped his hands in front of his face and tears of joy began to flow. It was the way that every woman desires for someone to look at them. For them to say “Look at her, she is mine!” As I thought about their love for each other, I began to wonder if anyone would ever love me the way that Jerrick loves Emilee. Thoughts of inadequacy and doubt began to fill my head. I couldn’t imagine someone who I loved loving me in that way. And then, something clicked in my crazy head and I was reminded that someone already does love me as much as Jerrick loves Emilee. But, He loves me much more than that; He loves me completely, perfectly, and selflessly. Of course I have known that Jesus loves me since I was a small child and have never openly questioned that, but to see an example of a bride groom so in love with his bride helped me to understand the magnitude of Christ’s love for His bride, the church (me). But, my thoughts didn’t stop there. I began to think about myself, my rotten self who seeks out my own glory before anyone else’s, and is faithful to nothing more than a consistent life of turning my back on my bridegroom, where moments of faithfulness and desiring Him above all else grow dim in light of my immense sin. It wasn’t until I thought of this that I began to truly get it.
(This is where my thoughts went, while this is not a perfect example)
Imagine the kindest, Godliest, most gracious, most powerful and loving man that you know…think about his awesome character and presence that he demands. The man that walks into a room and everyone watches his actions in awe. I think about my grandpa (Papa) who used to be a preacher and who I admire so much. Imagine someone like this man going to a prison and finding a woman who has drown her children and feels no remorse and choosing to take her out of there, pay the bale, and marry her. But she doesn’t want to go!! She doesn’t change her ways, and most of the time she turns her back on this man, yet he still loves her.
This, only on a much grander scale, is what Christ has done for those of us who believe! How can it be? That the God of the Universe, who spoke everything into being, chose me, loves me, and continues to love me, even though I love myself more often than Him…He loves me and sees me through the veil of His blood which makes me clean.
I used to struggle with being single. I longed for someone to love me and to have someone to love, but thankfully, the Lord has shown me what true satisfaction in Christ alone is like and I’ve never experienced joy so fully. I used to try to be satisfied in Christ alone, only because I thought that is what it would take to find the right person, but now it is so different and wonderful! I don’t care anymore if that person comes into my life or not. I now can say that if the Lord chooses for me to be complete in Him alone, then thanks be to God and He will receive all of the glory.
This thought has encouraged me greatly, and I hope that it can be an encouragement to you. No matter where you are in life, married, single, dating, divorced, in an unhealthy relationship, or anywhere, if your faith is in the Lord, this Truth is consistent. You are Christ’s Bride and He is your Bridegroom!
(This is where my thoughts went, while this is not a perfect example)
Imagine the kindest, Godliest, most gracious, most powerful and loving man that you know…think about his awesome character and presence that he demands. The man that walks into a room and everyone watches his actions in awe. I think about my grandpa (Papa) who used to be a preacher and who I admire so much. Imagine someone like this man going to a prison and finding a woman who has drown her children and feels no remorse and choosing to take her out of there, pay the bale, and marry her. But she doesn’t want to go!! She doesn’t change her ways, and most of the time she turns her back on this man, yet he still loves her.
This, only on a much grander scale, is what Christ has done for those of us who believe! How can it be? That the God of the Universe, who spoke everything into being, chose me, loves me, and continues to love me, even though I love myself more often than Him…He loves me and sees me through the veil of His blood which makes me clean.
I used to struggle with being single. I longed for someone to love me and to have someone to love, but thankfully, the Lord has shown me what true satisfaction in Christ alone is like and I’ve never experienced joy so fully. I used to try to be satisfied in Christ alone, only because I thought that is what it would take to find the right person, but now it is so different and wonderful! I don’t care anymore if that person comes into my life or not. I now can say that if the Lord chooses for me to be complete in Him alone, then thanks be to God and He will receive all of the glory.
This thought has encouraged me greatly, and I hope that it can be an encouragement to you. No matter where you are in life, married, single, dating, divorced, in an unhealthy relationship, or anywhere, if your faith is in the Lord, this Truth is consistent. You are Christ’s Bride and He is your Bridegroom!
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